Sophie Ashdown

As the new year starts, I have taken some time to reflect on the first term of my MA in Fine Art at CSM.

Has it been what I expected?  I would have to say largely no, mainly because I had very little idea of what to expect.  I did think it would be more like my undergrad degree where there would be some defined study areas in which to achieve a certain number of credits, and some projects or assignments to complete by a certain date, all of which would culminate in an assessment/grade.  I quickly realised that things work differently on this course, and it has opened my eyes and creativity to new levels.

This led me to take stock of what I’ve learned, where I’m at, and how I want to shape things going forward.

So what are the key things I have learned during the first ten weeks?

It’s not about volume of work.

I’ve done seven different shows/exhibitions this year and it has often felt like there’s a conveyor belt of paintings that I need to produce for each show, so that I had the number or style that I felt that I needed.  But for the course, I don’t have to keep churning out pieces with the intention of sales.  I can just create new pieces because that’s what I’m inspired to make.  And I don’t have to make a bunch of pieces to fill the allotted wall space for an exhibition.  This has been freeing to me as an artist.

It’s not about selling.

As above, it has felt like my purpose in creating art over the past couple of years has been about selling, rather than purely creating.  I’ve been making versions of what I made before that sold previously with the belief that these would also sell.  Or I’ve made commission pieces which are guaranteed sales.   But it hasn’t felt creative.  It has felt like a chore, like a job, like something I have to do rather than want to do.  However over the last few months I’ve made some pieces that are completely different to what I normally make, or I’ve made smaller, simpler pieces that I didn’t intend to sell.  As it happens, one of the pieces I made as an experiment for the course was the first thing that sold in a show I did in November. 

It’s not weird to be both technical and creative.

In my working life I have mostly worked in IT, systems, databases, and projects.  These are all technical in nature, which most people would not expect to be from someone who is also creative.  I myself often wondered if I’m too technical to be an artist, or even am I too artistic to be technical?  I know now that it is okay to be both, and in fact it makes sense in a lot of ways with the way that I think and the way that I paint.

I think differently to other people.

In my head when I think about something, I think in patterns and grids.  So I see the thought or the decision that needs to be made as one or more of these patterns in my mind.  And then I see how a decision or thought would affect other things, by seeing the patterns converge or link.  Up until a few months ago, I assumed that everyone thinks like this.  But apparently not!  This is likely why most of my art pieces are full of patterns, because this is how I think visually in my head.  The course has helped me make sense of how my thinking informs my practice, and how my different types of work link together.

Inspiration can come from anywhere

Since starting the course I have felt more creative than ever, and have felt more comfortable with taking risks with my artistic process.  I feel like my artistic eye has had a new awakening, which makes me so much  more alert and aware of interesting things around me that spark imagination.  For example I made a whole new art piece based on a piece of wrapping paper.  I took a series of photographs of buildings in a village that all had interesting brick patterns.  I find myself stopping to look at things that inspire me, even if they would be mundane to others.  My phone is full of photos of random patterns or shapes that I’ve seen in the most random places.  All of which give me ideas and incentive for new pieces of work.

My course-mates inspire me

I feel lucky to be in this particular cohort of artists for the MA.  Everyone is so different and yet we feel like a small but powerful team.  Everyone is so supportive of each other and encouraging of ideas and experiences.  Every person on the course has a story of how they got to be who they are as a person and an artist.  I haven’t heard everyone’s story yet, and indeed I haven’t even shared mine really, but we all seem to have something significant in our past or present that has had an impact on who we are now.  I love to hear the stories and see the work that everyone creates. 

My course leader is also my artistic counsellor

Our incredible course leader, Jonathan, is one of the most unique people I’ve ever met.  He has a quiet confidence and enthusiasm that seeps into everyone on the course.  He runs really interesting group sessions and has a way of drawing more than just art out of each of us.  In the one-to-one session I had with him this term, it felt more like I was in a personal growth counselling session than a tutorial.  He somehow gets me to think and feel differently about my art practice, whilst at the same time giving me ideas and confidence in what I want to do next.  It feels like he really believes in me as an artist, and from talking to my course-mates they feel the same.  I feel really lucky to learn from him.

It’s okay to do something different to what I’ve done before

As a result of this course I have created pieces that I might not otherwise have created.  I would likely have stayed on the same path as before, and got increasingly more bored and frustrated with it.  Now I feel like the opportunities are wide open.

I’m apprehensive about my Study Statement

I have a fairly good idea of what I want to do for my Study Statement that is due in February, but I worry that it will pigeonhole me into one narrow path.  After speaking to some of the 2^nd year students, I was advised to make the statement more open so that my work does not have to stay within a narrowly defined path.  Funnily enough though, I do usually work quite well in a narrow path, as long as I’m comfortable and confident in it.  This is the part that makes me apprehensive – will I be confident in the path I define by the Study Statement?  That remains to be seen.

It helps to carve out a schedule.

In the first few weeks I tried to fit in the course around the rest of my life but I struggled to get the balance right.  I had to be more strict with what I was doing when, to ensure that I could fit everything in.  This meant adjusting my hours at my day job and letting other people do some of the work that I used to do. 

You can’t schedule when to be creative.

Despite creating a schedule of when I would do coursework, this doesn’t always translate into purely creative time.  Sometimes I would feel creative and sometimes I wouldn’t.  If I wasn’t then what I did instead was preparation for being creative – eg. clearing a workspace, getting the materials ready, researching as necessary regarding the piece I wanted to do, going on a buying blitz of art supplies, or simply sitting and thinking about what I wanted to do.  Much of the time by doing the prep work, this would lead me into feeling creative and the work would flow nicely.  And if I didn’t then I didn’t beat myself up about it.

I can’t be everything to everyone all of the time.

I was worried that I would not have enough time to fit in the demands of the course amongst my day job, being a single mum, my various volunteering roles, and having a life.  What would I have to give up to make it work? As it turns out, so far I have not given up much but that has meant that I have felt that I’m giving a lot to everything but not 100% to anything.  Therefore I am rethinking the amount of time and focus I want to put on different things.  The focus I spend on my boys will never change until they fully leave the nest as adults, and even then they will always be my number one priority.  However I have been re-evaluating how I balance everything.

It’s okay to let go of some things at work

I work for a music licensing company where everyone works from home, so it is already very flexible.  I really like the job and don’t want to give it up but there were certainly things that could have been done by other people.  Thankfully my course coincided with a couple of juniors joining the company last year and some of my work was able to be passed to them.  My CEO is incredibly understanding, and said she would rather that I adapt my hours rather than me leave the company.  So instead I am now concentrating on the key things that deliver the most value to the company, which are also the things I like to do best, so it’s a win-win!

I haven’t made the most of the CSM student experience yet

Despite this being a “low residency” course which means that most of our sessions are online, there are still enormous opportunities to study and learn on campus, none of which I have taken full advantage of yet.  I have only been to the CSM campus once, and that was before the course started.  Some of my course-mates have been to the CMS site at Kings Cross, and mentioned the library, the workspaces, the printmaking workshops, etc.  I want to make more of my experience at CSM and being part of the wider UAL community, so from January I intend to spend Fridays at the CSM campus during term time.  I’m not sure yet exactly what I’ll do each week but I’m hoping that I will discover that along the way.

I’m excited about what comes next

Over the past three months, creating art has become enjoyable again.  I can let myself be creative without worrying about what other people will think, or whether someone will want to buy a new piece, or even if it will work or not.  It doesn’t matter so much.  What matters is the creativity, the inspiration, the process, and the feeling that goes into whatever I’m working on.  I am so looking forward to what comes next.

And I must be keen since I wear the hoodie with pride!