Sophie Ashdown

For the Unit 2 assessment we needed to create a three minute video that I understood to be a summary of the work we had created during unit 2, with references to previous work if relevant.

Jonathan said that our filmmaking abilities were not what was being assessed, it was more about how our work has developed and progressed across the unit, or at least that was what I thought. He suggested that one way to do the video would be to record yourself using zoom so that you can show some images and talk at the same time.

The zoom idea seemed like a viable option for me so I planned to do that.

In preparation I wrote up a “script” of what I wanted to say in the video, which referenced:

• my work and who I was as an artist prior to starting the course
• the way that I think with both sides of my brain and how this influences my art
• how and why patterns are so important to me
• how the work from Unit 1 inspired the work I was creating in Unit 2
• my piece for the interim show
• new work created in Unit 2
• the New Constructivist show I did in the Spring
• my research project and how it inspired my current direction
• latest piece of work and the process of creating that
• plans for next art pieces
• how I feel now as an artist now after getting this far on the course
• hopes and expectations for the future me

When I did a test run of reading out the script, it took 12.5 minutes! Clearly there was way too much content to fit into the maximum of 3 minutes allowed.

I assessed what was in the script and thought that there was a lot of personal reflection that could be taken out. I could cut the time back also by just showing static images one after the other, that matched with the voiceover.

After some serious slash and burn on the script, I managed to get the timings down to 6 minutes. Ah, well that was better but still twice as much as needed.

From that point I went into some kind of autopilot and removed more and more of the script until I had it down to about 3.5 minutes.

Then came many many attempts through zoom to record the video and get it down to 3 minutes. More words were cut out and I tried speaking more quickly.

Ultimately, with only 30 minutes left before the deadline, I got the video to exactly 3 minutes. Great, I thought, and got it all uploaded to my blog just in time.

I thought I had completed the task and technically I had, but therein lies the problem. It all became too technical. I focused on just fitting in the most information that I could into the 3 minutes and what I took out to achieve that, was really all of the more personal content that would have made it interesting and engaging.

When did I realise the enormity of my mistake? The next day at our Tuesday session when we started watching other people’s videos. Aargh.

From Beccy to Siobhan to Kate to Lyberis and everyone else whose video we watched, my heart sank deeper and deeper.

I targeted so much on getting the video to 3 minutes that I took out all of the emotion. The background, the history, the life experience, the learning etc that made me into the artist I have become.

The result is a rather clinical chronology of my work including a somewhat inappropriate joke in the middle! (Doh!)

Through the whole Tuesday session I kept thinking, “Please don’t play mine, please don’t play mine.” It would be excruciating to watch mine and hear feedback after seeing some of the incredible videos that others have created. Theirs have emotion, feeling, and inspiration whereas mine has a joke about a sphincter. I wish I was kidding.

I lamented all of this in my tutorial with Jonathan on Friday. We talked about it a lot and he did ultimately make me feel better about the situation. He said that even if the video isn’t what I wanted it to be, it has still achieved its purpose by making me think deeply and objectively about who I am as an artist.

Jonathan even gave me the opportunity to make a new video, which I thought long and hard about, but ultimately I decided to let it stand as it is. I’m considering the video as a snapshot in time that I know has so much more behind it than what you see in those three minutes.

Instead I’m writing this blog to explain what happened and to try and make peace with it.

One thing that I hope comes across in the video is that I feel more confident as an artist now and have more belief in myself and the direction I’m going. Even though I didn’t manage it in the video, I do feel that I’m finding a balance between the right and left sides of my brain with where I’m going next with my practice.

I know it is uncommon for people to be both technically minded and artistic at the same time, but I hope I can be successful this way, and not feel like an imposter as I did previously.

I’m still dreading the moment when it is my turn for the video to be shown to the group. Hopefully they will be kind and manage to find random things to say about it.

If you’re having trouble sleeping, you can witness it here.

Currently I’m not sure that I’ve forgiven myself yet for this mistake but I have certainly learned from it.