Sophie Ashdown

This week I had a long tutorial with Jonathan focused mainly on my plans for the end of year show. What started as a conversation about logistics and ideas ended up becoming a much deeper discussion about identity, confidence, and what this MA has actually changed in me.

One of the biggest realisations I spoke about was that I’ve come almost full circle during the course. I began the MA thinking I needed to become a completely different kind of artist: less technical, less structured, less analytical. I thought “real” artists were freer and more instinctive, and that my love of systems, organisation, geometry and data somehow counted against me.

But over the last two years I’ve slowly realised that those qualities are not weaknesses at all. They are part of what makes me an artist.

Jonathan reflected something back to me that I hadn’t consciously noticed: throughout the conversation I kept using the word “freedom.” At the beginning of the course I thought freedom meant escaping structure and rigidity. Now freedom means something much deeper: freedom from self-judgement, freedom from needing external validation, and freedom to make work that genuinely reflects how my brain works.  This helped me to accept how I work, rather than doubting myself.

We also talked about how much my relationship to making has changed. Before the MA I was heavily focused on what sold, what people liked, and whether work was commercially successful. Now I’m much more interested in whether the work feels meaningful and truthful. Some work still fails. Some work still gets abandoned. (As evidenced by the pile of half-made canvases in my garage.)  But that feels less frightening now and more like part of the process.

The other major focus of the tutorial was my end of year show proposal, which Jonathan described as beginning to feel like a “body of work” rather than isolated projects.

My current idea is to create a series of interconnected data-driven works based entirely on myself and my lived experience,  almost a kind of personal data archive translated into art. At one point I jokingly described it as creating a “Wall of Sophie”.

What became really interesting during the tutorial was the discussion about consistency across the pieces. Jonathan noticed recurring themes emerging naturally:

• circular structures
• repetition
• systems and indexing
• monochrome palettes
• metallic/chrome materials
• sensory experience

We also discussed the fact that I may be trying to do too much in seven weeks. Jonathan encouraged me to think of the end of year show not as the “final destination” but as a snapshot within a much longer trajectory. That was reassuring, because I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the scale of the ideas.

One particularly helpful conversation was about my future plans after graduation. I explained that I’m interested in creating data-driven artworks for companies using their own datasets, partly because I already understand corporate environments from my previous career. Jonathan encouraged me to think carefully about valuing my work properly and not automatically offering everything for free, suggesting instead the idea of creating smaller “maquettes” or prototypes that could lead to larger commissions later.  I think I can build this into the plan I’m forming for my “post-MA” life (which seems somewhat daunting.)

The tutorial also unexpectedly became a conversation about smells! When I explained my idea for a scent-based artwork connected to hyperosmia, Jonathan revealed that he also experiences the same thing. I find it interesting that in many ways he and I are quite different people in our approaches to things but at the same time we’re both long term vegans and we both have this super-smelling ability.  (We agreed that sometimes it is not an asset!)

Overall the tutorial left me feeling unexpectedly optimistic.

For months I’ve felt overwhelmed by ideas, materials, spreadsheets, and half-finished concepts occupying my thoughts and also spread across my house. But talking it through helped me realise that underneath the chaos there actually is coherent direction emerging somehow.

I think Jonathan massively for giving me extra time for my tutorial and for helping to guide me along this journey.

The tutorial also fed directly into my script for the five-minute video.  It helped me to realise that the MA hasn’t turned me into a different artist.  It has helped me to accept and become more fully the artist that I already was.

Mentioning the “Wall of Sophie” reminded me of a painting I did several years ago for an exhibition that was related to music. I made a series of pieces that included song lyrics. This one popped into my memory as being somewhat apt for this post…

(At least I didn’t choose the lyric “We don’t need no education!”)